In cleaning out my email "in-box", I came across this email...
May 3, 2008
Today marks the beginning of my 34th year. I feel a strong pull to make this year a turning point for me. Lately I have been easily angered, frustrated and blue. This is not me. That's not who I am and not who I want to become. I want to be more. I want to have an intimate relationship w/God, w/Jesus and w/the Holy Spirit. I want to be the wife and mother that I dream of being; one who is patient and fun; one who enjoys time w/her family. I want to be who my God designed me to be. This is my prayer on this my 33rd birthday. Dear Heavenly Father, please make something of my life. Take me out of this day-to-day merely existing and getting by. Help me to live this life you've given me. Oh, how I've wasted the past 33 years. I've let so many opportunities to serve, to grow, to love slip by unnoticed. I have been given the most precious gifts; salvation, my husband, my kids and so much more. Yet every day I wait for what's around the corner. I want to stop looking around the corner. I want to stop waiting for life to begin. Please help me to give my every moment to you. Please help me to make my life a sacrifice to you, starting today. Please guide me in this journey to knowing and serving you more. In Jesus' name, Amen.
On my birthday, I decided I was going to journal by emailing myself every day. You wanna know how well I kept this up? This entry is one of two. Two! In the past six months, I have only done this twice?!? It's so irritating. This is a never-ending cycle for me. I have struggles in life and get down and depressed. I throw a pity party. Then, I dry my eyes and realize that I've let my relationship w/my savior fall to the wayside. I make a plan of how to remedy that. I go strong for a couple days or weeks. Then I get busy or whatever and let it slip again. A few months later, life happens again and I start all over. Why is it that the one relationship that is most important, most beneficial and should be the easiest to keep up is the one I struggle with the most?