Be still and know that I am God...

I am anxious, worried, upset, angry, depressed, nervous, disheartened, and fearful to the point of paralyzing myself. It's all just little things, but when I sit here and make my list it just overwhelms me.

"The carpets need to be cleaned. The windows need washed. There are hand prints on the hallway walls. The floors need mopped. The basement needs cleaned. Am I doing a good enough job with the kids? The computer desk needs to be cleared off and organized. I should exercise more. I need to start eating right. Am I any good at this home schooling thing? Oh the laundry...the bathroom...the dishes. It's time for the trustees to do a walk-through of the house...the house will never be clean enough. The school year is almost over...have they learned a thing?"

Be still and know that I am God - Psalm 46:10

As I sat here lamenting over my present situation, this verse popped into my head. I decided to google it and here is the first thing I found...

"This command — “be still” — forces us to think on two things: that we are finite, and that God is infinite. That being the case, we need to drop our hands, go limp, relax, and “chill out.” Christian people ought to “come, behold the works of Jehovah,” (v. 8) that we may enjoy a calm confidence in him who gave us his Son.

“Shall he not also with him freely give us all things?” Paul reasoned (Romans 8:32). Psalm 46:10 encourages us to reflect on what God can do in the face of what we are unable to do.

Spiritual serenity, the psalmist admits, ought to be cultivated in spite of the shaking mountains and agitated waters (vv. 2-3; i.e., figures for the difficulties we face in life). This spiritual calm, that God commands, does not come from a lack of troubles; it derives from a steady, deep reflection on the ways God has intervened in history on behalf of his people (cf. Romans 15:4)." -(http://www.christiancourier.com/articles/1245-be-still-and-know-that-i-am-god)

Well, that just about says it all, doesn't it? I've absolutely, positively got to spend time every day focusing on God and resting in his power and provision. Then maybe when my list starts to pop up, instead of being paralyzed by my own shortcomings I can trust in Him and breath easy.

I am LOVING this time of year! It has been so beautiful out the past several days. I'm enjoying mowing and walking to the park with the kiddos and really looking forward to planting a garden. The birds are singing, the trees are budding and my allergies are in full swing. Spring has sprung!

Now, if I could only muster up this kind of enthusiasm for teaching, things would really be great. I guess it's not so much the enthusiasm that I'm lacking as much as it is the energy and determination. Oh don't get me wrong. I still know we're supposed to be doing this and know that we are using the right curriculum. I have no intention of giving up or sending the kids back to public school. I just have trouble getting going in the morning. Every afternoon, I feel guilty because I didn't do enough or really get into it like I should have. So every evening, I vow to make tomorrow better, finish everything on our list for the day and have fun doing it. Then, the morning comes and it's back to procrastinating and rushing through to just get it done.

I want my kids to love learning. I want them to look forward to each day and to really grasp all the concepts, most especially the Bible lessons for the day. I want to make it fun for them and make this the highlight of their day. So, if I have all these desires, know I'm doing the right thing and know what it is that I'm doing wrong; then why do I go through this same cycle over and over again? I could just defend myself by saying that it's my first year and I'm allowed to not do everything right. I mean, that is true and really i'm not expecting perfection here. I just need a little more spring in my step.

We are currently on chapter 11 of The Weaver. This chapter is meant to be a breather so that you can catch-up or take a little break. The only thing that is in the chapter is Bible and character sketches. I think it came at a perfect time. I'm just really beating myself up and needed this time to regroup and get ready for chapter 12. I'm both excited and nervous about chapter 12 - The Human Body. I am determined to do my best with it and to have fun with my kids.